): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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