I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
