Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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