i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
