You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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