We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Randomize
