Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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