I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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