I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
