I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
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