The police scanner is talking about you again....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
did i just pee glitter
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
