I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Enjoy the penises
Randomize
