u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
