'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
