No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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