its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Randomize
