I just saw a hot homeless man
North Korea, Best Korea!
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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