I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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