Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Randomize
