So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
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Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
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I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
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