i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
