the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
