3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
My hand turned me down
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
