why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drinking out of a sandbucket again
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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