Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
