The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
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