im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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