So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
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you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
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I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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