toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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