I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
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