On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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