I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
