my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
