Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Randomize
