Betty ford says i'm here all night
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Randomize
