We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.