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I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
How external is "for external use only"?
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
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