They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
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If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's