If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
If You’re Hot, It’s Easier For You To Do These 27 Things
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Omg the world wants us to be better people
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.