If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Randomize
