Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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