Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
