he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
