even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
