Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
