im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
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