Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
