New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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