so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
3pm strippers are depressing
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Randomize
