Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
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