Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
