Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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