i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
