dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize
