i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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