So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
