Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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