Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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