so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
