My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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