I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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