I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
