you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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