when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
