; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So much rum. So many feels.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
