he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I am one with the molecules
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
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