Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
