Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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