I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
